Crabby Krabi

I’m going to Krabi tomorrow. Whoopee (with a distinct lack of enthusiasm)…

I don’t know whats wrong. I want to go on a holiday but somehow I’m not excited. At all. Don’t even know whether its going to be fun or not. It usually is but somehow I just can’t bring myself to be positive.

Arghhh..

Got to pack, haven’t started yet. There’s not much to pack though, only a few t-shirts and shorts. Really feeling lazy to do anything right now. I’m feeling irritated in general. Got this simmering anger at the back of my head that does seem to go away. Seriously, one day I am going to pop a vein. I don’t even have a reason to be angry. I just am.

Sounds like the blog of a future mass murderer or one-man high school shooter right? I guess so. Malaysia doesn’t have places to buy guns so chill. I may have to do it with a parang I guess. AMOK!!!!

Ever get the feeling that you are excess baggage in the whole scheme of things?

Ever feel that people don’t really need you but just give you stuff to do out of pity or because nobody else will/can do it?

Ever went to bed not really caring whether you wake up the next day or not?

Ever wanted to simply not exist?

Call me a quiter, morbid, suicidal, wet-blanket or whiny. I don’t really care.

Popped bloons for the last 2 hours. Die bloons die!

When life is really getting you down

I really have nothing to blog about. So I’m just going to describe how I feel RIGHT NOW.

There is a pain in my chest area, its almost as if there is something sour turning in it. Once in a while there is a spike of weakness that spreads into the rest of my body. When I try to stretch it out, my ribs hurt.

My mind is mostly blank. Don’t have the motivation to do anything. Not work, not exercise, not socializing. I’m not sleepy because I slept at 9 pm yesterday. So I am very awake, and very capable of thinking. Probably capable of thinking too much.

My shoulder & back muscles hurt from exercise. The pain is more of a dull ache where the backbone and ribs meet. My right foot also throbs dully with pain.

Mercifully, the phone is not ringing and there is nobody baggering me for the latest sales & purchase reports, yet. Oh, I do have a pile of work that I have to deal with by today but I’ll deal with it later in the day. I think I used the same excuse yesterday.

Had a chat with one of my friends earlier in the day about new jobs. Seems that a lot of people are moving forward in their careers. Somehow I seem to be still stuck in the same position I started out 1 plus years ago. It’s getting boring. I need a change of scene. But mostly I want a job that pays better. I feel that I’m not being properly compensated for my time and energy at work. I’m waiting for the last straw to be drawn and then I will have to leave. I almost cannot take it anymore. More work should me better pay. Not same pay but more work.

I know that I shouldn’t be complaining. I can almost hear people saying ‘Be thankful you have a job’. If you want my job then go ahead. I’m not stopping you.

Everybody seems to be happy today. Of all days, Wednesday. I used to look forward to it. It’s ‘Futsal Day’ for me. Not this week I guess. Nothing seems to excite me today. Not even the prospect of lunch coming around the corner. I’m reading comics to pass the time in the office. Trying to plan something for tonight. Maybe I’ll go futsal or go eat steamboat or something. I can’t help but wonder what my friends are doing.

The right thing to do, the POSITIVE thing to do is to look forward to something. As a goal, as a target. Can’t really think of anything right now. So I guess I’ll just sit around and mope. Or go get drunk or something. Then go home and sleep. Ok. Sounds like a plan.

watever…